Rocky the Elf’s payback!

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the land, not a teacher was stirring, on their journey to dreamland. The stockings were hung with precision and care…in the hopes that some more booze would be waiting in there.

The teachers were nestled, all snug in their beds, tomorrow they’d surely be nursing sore heads! For this is the time, when all teachers will dine, several nights in the week, with a few bottles of wine.

When inside the house, arose such a clatter, the teacher got up to see what was the matter. Away down the stairs, she flew like a flash, to find someone nebbing in her stationery stash.

With his bum in the air and his collar askew, the teacher just stared and asked “Who are you?” The answer was obvious it was clear to see, the elf on the shelf would you believe?

He glanced to the side and gave a cheeky wink, to escape him so early, how could she think? “Your class may have made it onto the nice list, but you’ve got some more work to do here, little Miss! 

You’ve got presents to wrap and visits to make, and did you forget shortbread biscuits to bake? You’ve worked all year long and you’re due for a rest, but there’s something you need to get off of your chest!

About those advent chocolates you pretended I’d eaten, an innocent elf, I will not be beaten! In order to make up for your foolish mistake, you must spend the holidays lying wide awake!

I’m on my way to the North Pole to tell, of all the fake notes on the board you misspelled. I’ll tell him about the lies and the tricks, instead of cheap presents, you’ll receive rocks and sticks! 

You know that it will make Santa feel sad, to find out that you have been naughty and bad. A star pupil you’ve been but this year, I’m sorry, I’m throwing you under that heavy goods lorry.

Whilst watching your class and sending my reports, you pretended to be the lovely Mrs Claus, you wrote on the board and hid me in places, just to see the look on the children’s faces.

You’ve played a dangerous game on the lead up to Christmas, you’ll never receive presents from your lengthy wish list. No label maker, glue sticks or even some glitter, you’ve landed yourself, right in the sh…..!

To fill every lesson with blood, sweat and tears, you’ve got to work hard for the rest of the year. His lordship has gone and you’re feeling less pressure, but a new kid has arrived and he’s quite a treasure.

And don’t forget Chief Meerkat – up in everyone’s business and the oracle who claims to be the only honest witness. Your mini me will have tantrums and meltdowns galore, your favourite five will soon become four!

And if that’s not enough, I’m sorry to tell you, that this holiday is going to be shorter than usual. 13 days of rest and relaxation, to recharge your energy and dose up on medication. 

A Christmas cold is coming your way, just in time for Christmas Day. You’ll cough and you’ll sneeze all over your turkey, whilst trying to avoid spreading the lurgy

Your sister will laugh as you snore on the sofa, after 8 weeks of working, and staying quite sober. Moscato, Malibu rum and Midori, your family will be bored of hearing your stories.

About how you made me sleep with a biscuit, smelling of ginger and covered in shiny sh… The children all laughed at the ways that you left me, gave me a retest, the Wotsits you “fed” me. 

Before the night is over, you must repent for your sins, otherwise Christmas for you is in the bin…I’ll admit that this Christmas I’ve felt a bit lonely, there’s only one thing that you can do for me.

Next year when you’re playing your tricks – oh what fun! It would be nice to share it with a special someone. I’ve looked it up on Amazon and found a great prize, a gorgeous girl elf, who’s easy on the eyes.

If you say that you’ll buy her, I’ll keep your antics a secret, you can rest easy this weekend without any regret. I promise you, she’ll cost you no more than a fiver, I’ll even give you the link so it’s easy to find her.”

The teacher listened to the little elf’s demands, before he set off on his journey to Lapland. “Don’t worry, I’ll buy you your little pink friend, there’s no way I’m being on that naughty list again!”

She picked up her iPad and tapped away, the little pink elf would arrive the next day. “Thank goodness for Amazon Prime!” she declared, as she confirmed her order and climbed back upstairs. 

What a curious event the night of Christmas Eve, there’s no way I’d get anyone to believe, how a little red elf blackmailed me to pay out, for a little pink elf that he wants to take out.

The teacher climbed into bed and pulled up the covers, the elf sat and dreamed of his soon to be lover. Where would he take her on their very first date? To a diner for some fries and a strawberry milkshake? 

He sighed with content and closed his little blue eyes, realising the teacher had been rather kind. Was he wrong for blackmailing her this way? Who cared? Soon he’d have a friend with whom he could play…

Until next year, you’ll just have to wait, to see how things go on that little elf date. I wonder what mischief and fun will ensue, when next Christmas arrives with the little elves too. 

Will they be cheeky and ready for names? Will they be ready to take on the blame? For the tricks that I’ll play on the children next time, I’m positive things will work out just fine…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s